Today I spent an hour battling my anxiety trying to talk myself into making a phone call to my insurance. A half hour on the phone with the insurance company answering very personal and uncomfortable questions explaining my mental health issues to 2 different people. Another half hour talking to psychologist and therapist offices and setting up intake appointments. This is the 4th time in my life I have had to do this and I know this won’t be the last.
Everyone who knows me personally knows I struggle with certain mental health “issues” that cause me to be the way I am. No, I don’t make plans and cancel at the last minute because I want to. I don’t wake up in the morning fine and happy one day and then struggle to even get out of bed the very next day because I want to. I don’t have meltdowns because I want to. I don’t have mood swings because I want to. I dont want to have my kitchen clean before bed, I HAVE do it it or I cant sleep. I dont want to always have to put things in their place and tidy up. I don’t start things and never finish them because I want to.
I don’t have Bipolar 2 because I want to. I don’t have Anxiety and OCD because I want to. I don’t have PTSD because I want to. I didn’t choose this. If I could take a magic pill and have it all go away I would in a heartbeat.
For those of you that see me and don’t understand what I am even talking about, for those of you who think I’m fine- you are the problem. You are the reason there is such a stigma around mental health issues. You are the reason I have gone years battling my internal demons and not getting the help I need because I’d be “weird” to all of you “normal” people for taking “crazy pills”. For those of you who shame people who have to pop a Prozac in order to function- you are the reason people end their lives. When you push mental health under the rug, when you shame those who are struggling with mental illness, you are killing them. You might as well be pulling that trigger yourself or helping them hang the rope.
It’s time to let go of the stigma. It’s time to move on from all of this. It’s time to start hearing more news about people getting help and less news about people committing suicide. It’s time to be supportive. It’s time to #endthestigma I share my struggles in hopes that someone becomes educated on mental health. If I open 1 persons mind, if I encourage 1 person to get help, if I save 1 persons life then I have done my job.