2 actually. Yesterday I threw 2 taquitos. It was such a bad day. It’s been a bad week. Ok let’s be honest, it’s been a bad month so far. I am feeling so overwhelmed lately and I can tell that it is making me more and more frustrated with everything.
The kids were a pain yesterday. Skylar is getting to the age where everything is a fight, everything is a whining big deal and she can’t seem to do anything by herself right now. “Cover me. Give me my drink. Help me take off my socks. Hand me that thing that is completely within my reach that I am all of the sudden incapable of getting myself please mom, PLEASE!” All freaking day long.
So by the time Scott got home from work (at 6:45pm) I had been up and stuck at home all day with the kids for 12 freaking hours I was just done with the day. And of course, like always, I don’t even remember what was said but something was said and I just lost it. Absolutely lost it.
I could tell I needed a minute to stop breathe and focus, so I walked into the kitchen and put the gate up so no one else followed me in. I turned the lights off and just stood there for a minute trying to compose myself before I lost my shit. I tried so hard. The tears started flowing and I just felt so emotional and so broken.
I was sitting on my counter top crying next to the stove, which had some lovely and oh so tasty home made taquitos on it that I had made an hour earlier. I flipped that pan over and threw it across the kitchen. The sound the it made as it hit the floor gave me a sense of satisfaction and calmness; instant gratification.
Me mad. Me throw things. Me feel better now. Am I some kind of barbaric cave woman now? Get a grip Britt. Get yourself together. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! So I left the house and went for a walk to the park. I needed to get out of the house, escape the negative energy and clear my mind. I walked for a few minutes while I meditated and once I started to freeze my butt off I decided it was time to go back home.
Of course when I got back home the gate code didn’t work, so I had to call and ask Scott to open it for me. Thank God for that man. He opened the gate for me, hugged me and pretended like I wasn’t a raging psycho bitch for the last hour and a half.
We put the kids to bed and that was the end of that. Now to clean up this mess (the taquitos AND my crazy ass self).